Forgiven?
by Angelic Literature
Summary: A reuploadation/// A whole month since Haruhi died, and Kyon still grieves, who can cheer him up? Perhaps a certain Alien?


_Reuploaded with corrections and love_

* * *

_[An Angelic work production]_

_"Life……is meaningless"_

"Huh? What are you getting at Nagato?"

"_We do not have any control of our actual lives. We are shaped by a force. That force tempers with the strands of our fates and brings us together. Whether we are suffering or enjoying life, we are powerless to stop it, but simply wait and die. ."_

"Why are you telling me this again?"

"_Because you still think it is your fault Kyon. You did everything you could to save her, yet you live in grief You must let go. Don't let sorrow consume you."_

"Maybe I want that."

"……_.Really?.....?"_

"Yeah….. I want to join her…."

"_Then you are a fool Kyon. If you want to, then by all means, move on."_

"How do I do that?"

"……………"

"How do I –"

"_You will find out what you truly desire on your own"_

"You're not going to tell me anything else, are you Nagato?"

"……_..Yes, our conversation is over."_

Kyon awoke with a start. What's odd is that he woke up fine, No sweat, no shivers as was the usual after effects of his normal paranormal dreams. The only thing out of place was the fact that he has a headache, but that was explained away by the half empty bottle of sake that sat on his night stand. Ignoring this he went over what had just happened in his head. Usually even at the best of times his dreams were patchy and when he woke he forgot most of the details. In a way he was thankful he rarely remembered them. Most of them were too weird to describe and he certainly had no desire to relive them. But this dream was clear as glass and it didn't scare him. Rather it perplexed him.

"Well that's new," he said quietly to the empty room.

Then a thought occurred to him.

'_What was Nagato trying to tell me?'_

Not the first strange thing to happen to Kyon in his lifetime. But the clues were always given by his friends, but they stopped as soon as SHE died. So why did Nagato send him a message now? However it was then that the tantalizing fingers of sleep started coaxing him. In minutes he was asleep again and all he remembered the next day were the words "You will find what you truly desire on your own".

Kyon had reason to be depressed today. Well he did every day, but today provided a special reason indeed. Today was the month anniversary of the death of Haruhi Suzimiya, the once called god of the world. To commemorate the greatest sacrifice Haruhi ever made all of the former SOS brigade disbanded, leading their lives with her in their hearts.

While spending time with her, he grew a lot emotionally. He laughed, cried, got mad, and even showed some happiness. Amidst all that emotion, he grew to realize something. He was in love with Haruhi. True he knew there was always some sort of chemistry between them, he had never even considered acting on it. That changed one fateful night over a month ago.

Somehow they both expressed their feelings to each other openly at the start of Golden Week, on their first date. At first they had joked about how blind they had both been. However this joking didn't last for long. They 'sealed the deal' with a kiss on Kyon's balcony after Haruhi, rather than Kyon, made the admission first. Upon their first trip to a Love Hotel the pair ended up consummating their said love in the greatest and most sacred of ways. Oddly enough Kyon had been more nervous about it than Haruhi, even though she knew it was going to hurt her more than him. That night had been clumsy as both of them were inexperienced as far as bedroom routine went. But Haruhi soothed Kyon with sweet words and love so in return he tried to be as gentle with her as possible. Memories of that night always brought a smile to his face and this time was no exception, despite knowing what he was about to do in just a few hours. Silently Kyon chided himself for the unsuitableness of the memory on a day like today.

But he couldn't help but remember. After the event Haruhi had walked with a new spring in her step (she often teased Kyon saying that thanks to him she could no longer walk the same) and even Kyon went with a smile on his face wherever he went, sometimes receiving strange looks from the people who passed him. But really he couldn't care less.

But that didn't matter to Itsuki's and Nagato's respective organizations. The smiles and laughers didn't make them falter when they came after Kyon's "Angel." And soon, after the bullets and blood, Kyon was alone……..

In his pocket Kyon carried three ribbons. They had been Haruhi's but after returning to school Kyon took some from her desk and kept them in his room. At the time he felt as if it was a way of talking with her, no matter how crazy it seemed. The next time he returned to school no one remembered Haruhi but the SOS brigade thanks to the cleanup crew of Itsuki's organization.. Those few memoires and ribbons were all that remained of the girl of Haruhi Suzimiya. This couldn't possibly make up for the crime Kyon felt he committed, but he wanted to give her something to make him feel she was still part of him.

'_Now she's happy meeting the dead people, but she's not with me…..'_

A few more moments over the school's personal baseball field and there they were. The few people Haruhi made some contact with. The few whose minds felt nothing, but their hearts knew to come and pay respects to an unknown friend. Ryoko, fully revived, but now as a normal human girl is crying in one eye, but doesn't realize it. Tsuruya, Taniguchi, and Kunikida were all looking at the sky, despite the weatherman's reports of sunny skies, today was mildly drizzling. The Brigade was busy drawing symbols into the grass with chalk, requested by Kyon.

However, Itsuki was by the diamond, staring at the others.

'_Good old Itsuki,' _Kyon found himself thinking_, 'Fortunately some things never change.'_

But he was wrong. A change seemed to have descended over the teenager. Dressed completely in black just like Kyon was, he had the air of someone in absolute grief, although he'd never admit that. At least not to anyone but Kyon,and even that was a mere chance. Also Itsuki spoke normally, showing no signs of his usual air of activeness when Kyon and Itsuki were recalling old times.

Walking along, he spotted Mikuru sobbing quietly, but when viewing Kyon, she quickly became quieter. Having realized he hasn't seen her in weeks, he waves weakly and she beckons for him, seeking comfort and warmth in this time of loneliness.

Unsure of how to begin a conversation he simply started, "Hello, Miss Asahina."

"Kyon," she responded quietly, unable to look him in the eye.

"I overheard some of my organization describing what happened. I know you protected her as well you could."

"But not well enough," he responded grimly.

"No, maybe not. But Suzimiya-san taught me a great many things while she was still..." Her voice seemed to break for a moment but she simply shook her head, hardened and continued. "She taught me the values of reason and forgiveness. I do not blame you for what happened. I never did.

Every time Mikuru mentioned Haruhi she looked closer to breaking down into tears. Somehow though, she managed to keep her composure. Just looking at her Kyon felt like there a serrated knife wedged between his shoulder blades.

"Everyone here?" called Itsuki, regaining composure and speaking up. "Good let's begin."

One mass teleportation and they were in the town's local graveyard. They walked the rest ppf the way to her grave with most of the brigade following in a pack. Nagato, however, was walking beside Kyon, eyes forward, eyes showing misery, but face being emotionless.

Nagato's gaze did not hold the hatred and the fury that Kyon wanted. Instead her eyes were filled with pity for him and held a little sorrow of her own. She gave him a small encouraging smile and held his hand slightly.

Kyon, slightly startled to say the least, returned the grip and he felt stronger for doing so. It was sort of encouraging.

They were dead but her grave would live on for a thousand years or more.

The road to the grave was direct but long none the less. However none of the party seemed tired by the end of it (whether it was because of their grief or duty in the road no-one could tell). The eternal resting place of Haruhi Suzimiya was within sight now and suddenly everyone felt an overwhelming wish they were back on the road.

As soon as they all reached her grave, a marble whit tombstone, surrounded by ribbons and the sort. They each said their thank you's, sorry's and goodbyes individually to their god, lover, and friend just like they had done a month before. Soon enough Kyon was the last to say anything.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," he whispered to the white marble angel atop her tombstone. "I'll always remember our love and the time we spent together. I love you more than you ever knew. I brought you some ribbons. Some of _your_ ribbons. The rest… the rest are doing fine." He knew it was a lie but he couldn't bare admitting that even some proof of her existence were gone.

'_A coward to the end,' he chided himself yet again. 'You don't even have the heart to tell the truth to a dead girl.'_

Almost no-one saw him place the ribbons in the grave. Nor did he see that one of the travelers had been watching him covertly the entire time. The tears fell freely from his eyes but in utter silence. Haruuhi was dead and there was nothing he could do to change that fact, despite his surreal desire to do so.

By the time they came back it was already dark. Since the walk back would look too odd, thanks to Itsuki, a "convenient hotel was nearby to let them have a place to sleep."

When he thought everyone was asleep, Kyon went to the balcony to clear his mind when he saw it. A shooting star, looking even more majestic due to the fact that the sky was dark and mysterious.

'_I wish I could have her back. Or if not find redemption for my crimes,' he mused._

And at the same time someone came onto the balcony as well.

Interested Kyon turned to see Nagato approach him.

"May I sit…..?" she asked as soon as she was standing at his side.

"I guess…..," he said with irritation. "What do you want?"

"Other than for you to be happy and to play _The Day of Sagittarius III again, nothing else……._."

Kyon smiled for a moment from her attempt to joke. However it was gone in an instant and replaced by shock as Nagato took both his hands in hers.

"W-What the hell are you doing?"

"Technique……to give strength to those who need it most….," she replied. "Giving my strength to help….."

"Is that why you held my hand earlier?" he asked, curious at this turn of events.

"Yes and no," but she refused to say anymore.

After a moment of silence (and hand holding) Kyon spoke up again.

"What makes you think I need your strength?"

"I have visited your dreams Kyon…I know your sadness……your grief….How you retain sanity is a mystery." she asked with a downward glance at her hands. "I've even heard you beg Haruhi to kill you on more than one occasion. To really make you suffer. Clearly you're still wrapped around her little finger - not that that was ever her intention I'm sure." she added quietly.

Kyon closed his eyes and opened them again in disbelief. Yes this was Nagato. But he'd never seen this side to her before. She seemed to actually care about someone other than herself.

"Why were you watching me sleep?"

"Make sure you were okay………..Worried about you……."

"I know how hard it is to lose someone you love. It seems like there's nothing else that matters in the world. I – I was like this for a long time. It's still there but in time the wound healed."

"How?" Kyon asked genuinely interested.

"Saying…. 'Time is the greatest healer'? ….Wrong…. Friends are real healers…..."

She walks back to the door again, turning back..

"Come inside soon it's cold Kyon…." she added as an afterthought.

Then it struck him. Of course, now it all made sense as one thing connected to another.

"Nagato," he yelled. She was already ten paces away but she stopped and turned her face alive with interest.

"I know what you can do to help me," he finished.

"…..Yes?"

Closing the gap between them Kyon leant down and pressed his lips against hers. For a moment she didn't respond but quickly reacted positively to the situation. As he pulled away she let out a tiny "oh" and forced his lips to come crashing down on hers again. The kiss, this time with parted lips, lasted longer this time since she was prepared for it. His arms were wrapped tightly around her waist as if forbidding her to leave.

'_This……is..pleasant…,'_ Nagato thought.

Her own arms were draped loosely around his neck. Taking advantage of this freedom of movement she moved her hands down to his lower back and started caressing him through the shirt and then before he knew it, under it. Her touch had only caused him to get steadily more aroused and she could feel it as his skin got hotter wherever she touched it. She pulled both her hands and her lips away for a moment to taunt him.

"Problem….?"

"Only while you stop."

"…..I see…….," she whispered in his ear."Then I shall continue…….."

They kissed again and this time, half for the fun of seeing Kyon's reaction, half because she wanted to, her hands moved down through his trousers and caressed his buttocks.

'_Hormonal levels rising,'_ she thought as she felt something beginning to brush against her thighs, and she had the strongest feeling she knew what it was.

They continued this way for several minutes until Kyon broke his hold on Nagato.

"Yes?....."

"Nothing," he replied playfully, "But it looks like your outfit's come undone."

She looked down and to her obvious surprise saw that her underwear was indeed showing.

"I s-see……..."

"No, it wasn't me," he replied. "You must just be bad at putting on uniforms…."

She shrugged and let the rest of the outfit fall to the floor leaving her wearing nothing more than underwear. Despite this she didn't shiver from the cold. She only felt cold when she lay down on the cool metal roof of the balcony.

"Shall you or I proceed?" Nagato taunted as she removed her bra.

"Not yet," he replied. "First I want to do something else for you," he finished with an impish grin.

"And what might that… oh my."

'_Tonight has been..interesting,'_ she thought to herself.

Both Kyon and Nagato came to a climax at almost the same time and were now panting madly like sprinters who had just finished their race. During their game somehow Nagato had ended up on top, and she now seemed reluctant to surrender that position, even though the game was over. Her head was rested on his bare chest but they could still see each other clearly. Unlike Kyon's first experience with Haruhi both parties had prior firsthand knowledge of what to do and it made all the difference in the world. She was grinning slightly at him and he felt slightly dizzy. Kyon was the one who came to his senses first.

"Nagato, there's something you should know."

"Hmm," was the only reply she could manage.

"I – I don't love you."

"And….?" Yuki just looked at him blankly. "Despite having sexual intercourse, that does not make me love you Kyon….." she said, slightly irritated by his look of surprise. "And I'm not just a cheap lay for that view either….."

"I know. Sorry."

"Apology accepted," she replied, "I don't love you either… at least not yet…. But if it's something you want to work towards…"

"Yes, just not yet."

"I understand. I know you're still grieving…..."

Oddly enough Kyon started smiling at her.

"Yes?" she asked

"We can do that again, right?"

"Again?" she said, simply amazed. She felt a bit too tired to even stand and he wanted sex _again_.

Kyon nodded eagerly in reply to her question. Nagato laughed for a moment. She had to admit he was cute when he wanted sex.

"Two conditions…….One, you must get over the loss of Haruhi Suzimiya and live the rest of your life happy…."

"That's a hefty price just to have you again," Kyon said jokingly

"I'm worth it…….," she replied simply and stretched nonchalantly to give him a view of her breasts.

"Okay," he replied very quickly. "What's the second?"

"Inside…..Lost nerve connection with lower half of body due to low temperature."

Kyon couldn't help it. He laughed truly for the first time in months, just at Nagato's little revelation. She glared at him for a moment before speaking again.

"There is a table downstairs……I am very open minded K-kyon-kun….."

Somewhere in the afterlife, the Grim Reaper Kaori could hear someone cheering with joy. She didn't need to turn, since she recognized the voice, but she did anyway. Her close friend bore a smile on her face like she hadn't seen since she actually entered the afterlife.

"What is it?" Kaori asked cautiously perplexed at her friend's sudden change in behavior.

The young ribboned girl looked slightly embarrassed in front of her friend (and everyone else who heard her) but regardless she responded.

"Nothing. I'm just happy."

"Haruhi you haven't been this happy since…" Her voice trailed off into nothingness as she gave her friend a piercing assessing look. "Haruhi," Kaori began again, this time her tone of voice much more stern, "have you been spying on a certain someone on the upper world again?"

"Sort of," she replied. She avoided looking her friend in the face. Eventually though she couldn't take it anymore and broke under her fierce gaze. "Okay fine. Yes I did."

"Haruhi, I told you that it isn't good for you to do things like this. You'll only end up hurting yourself in the long run."

"I know," Haruhi replied slightly dejected.

"Why are you cheering anyway? Don't you miss him?"

"Of course I do. But he's just finally found his new love."

While sighing, something else caught her attention off in the distance. Haruhi turned around too as they both tried to figure out what the thing was. It was the size of a speck of dust but it as it came closer it had a more defined shape. Kaori still had to squint but eventually it was clear what it was.

"What in the name of all things sacred. Is that… a ribbon?" Kaori asked her best dead friend

Haruhi didn't reply. She simply beamed. As it came closer she seized it in her hand and recognized it immediately as one of her own.

"Thanks Kyon," she said, as she blew him a kiss. "It's absolutely wonderful."


End file.
